Dear M O M M A . . .
February 2nd, 2 0 1 8…9:50 a.m: It’s a queens birthday. God created someone very close to me on this day; my mother. Well, she’s really the best of both worlds; she’s my sister and my mother. By now, you should know how that is possible. For those who are still lost, let me drop a little background knowledge before I continue.
A Young Teen R A I S I N G a Baby (and another teen)
Sometime in 1 9 9 2, New Jersey: Junie ( my older brother) calls Cherl, and lets her know that they have a baby sister in the New Jersey foster care system. Cherl places her entire life on hold, goes to visit her baby sister in New Jersey, and decides to raise her along with her baby brother in Covington, Georgia.
So, quick recap: My sister took me in when she was just 19 years old and raised me as her daughter. I didn’t find out that she was my sister until I was seven years old; but that didn’t change anything. She’s still M O M M Y.!
Unconditional L O V E
I never really understood how much you sacrificed to raise a child that was not your own. Sometimes, I still struggle to understand how much you have hurt in the past (and let’s not forget the present) just to make sure I had whatever I needed to progress. As I got older, the less we began to see eye to eye. Seemed like the worse the arguments got between us, the more resentment grew in my heart for the way things went during my childhood. The older I got, the more I seemed to disregard respect for the woman who literally put her education, her life, her health, and her sanity after highschool on the back burner for me. I’ve spent years and shed many tears blaming the ruins of my childhood on you, and momma I’m sorry. Now that I have my own child, I’m beginning to see how hard being a parent must have been for you; especially since you did it for years before my dad arrived on the scene in 1998.
D Y N A M I C Duo
You never brought any men around me, I don’t even think that you dated anyone while you raised me prior to meeting dad. Now that I look back at it; I can see it’s because you were too busy grinding for us to waste time with anything less than what we deserved. I thank you for that. God sent an amazing man for you, and for the last 20 years he has been our knight and shining armor. I don’t know how you took care of me for so long without someone by your side, but you did an amazing job. I’m grateful that you held it together before and after you met your partner. Lord knows I need to take a few notes now that I’m married with a kid, lol.
C O N G R A T S – You’re a Grandparent, Sis!
The first time I was given a chance a parenthood, I had it taken away. I was broken. I went into a depression…and even though you tried to be there for me, I shut you out completely. You let me know that it just wasn’t time; and that one day all the pain from losing one child will be replaced with the joy of having another. Thank you for saying that because I didn’t understand then; but I understand now.
The days leading up to Stinks arrival I remember it like it was yesterday. I kept bothering you about a hospital bag just because I thought I needed one. I kept telling you I was in pain the day we went to the hospital but we always laughed because it didn’t stop me from eating hella pizza slices and taking selfies the entire day lol.
I was so afraid of how labor would go…I’ve never had the tolerance for any kind of pain so my days in Dekalb Medical were far from fun. But with every tear that I shed; you were right by my side letting me know that it would be over before I knew it You held my hand, you wiped my tears as if I was a kid again, you never left me.
When it was time for my c-section; I didn’t hesitate in making sure you went with me. Let you tell it, you delivered David on January 12th @ 3:33 yourself! But you know what, I’m not even mad at it if you take credit from time to time…you definitely deserve it.
Still L EA R N I N G to L O V E like Y O U
Hey mom, I have to wrap this up because I need to clock in to work. But, I just wanted to say that I’m still learning to love like you. Mommy you love with no conditions. You love no matter what. You love like you’ve never hated. I watch you and I don’t understand how a woman who’s been broken so many times can still love at the capacity that you do. The heart that I’ve witnessed you love me with is made of gold, and I just want you to know that. I know it hasn’t always been easy to love me, and I know our point of views can be very different on a variety of topics close to the heart. My point of view on a mother’s love has been shaped by the way you’ve loved me…the way you’ve loved Zoey. I can’t fix the past, and I can’t tell the future: But today I can promise to be better than yesterday. Momma I love you, thank you for all that you’ve done and that you continue to do, and happy birthday!
Your Daughter for Life .